An antidote for hurt feelings and frustration


Hi!

There’s an amazing way we can transform hurtful comments into feelings of love, empathy and happiness.

Today we’re sharing a two-phase exercise to equip you to turn insults we may receive, or frustration or hurt feelings, into peaceful contentment.

Below the exercises, is an explanation of the mindset to give context and meaning. Practice enough and you’ll never be frustrated again.

Follow the two exercises on separate occasions, reflecting briefly, with your eyes closed, on each of these two scenarios:

  1. Take a minute to consider all the real things you are fortunate to have in your life, from your unique knowledge set to elements of your physical wellbeing, to the faculties of your mental wellbeing, to relationships and other good fortunes you have. Only “I can”‘s and “I have”‘s, no “I once did”‘s or “I will”‘s. Only after some time with a good list, move on.
  2. Contemplate how frustration works. Where does it come from in you? How about in others? Is the cause of all frustration from wanting something to be different? Someone to act differently, some reality to not exist, some thought to be real. We desire imaginary, non-real, situations. This is the source of frustrations and agitation. Could the solution to this frustration come from stopping this desire for our imaginary world, and accepting the true reality, as it is? Contemplate then on nourishing a deep sense of gratitude for those very real things that were listed in the first exercise. These are real. Take the time to internalise these two important truths: [1] How this gratitude makes you feel, [2] How frustration comes from the imagination.

No-one can just sit down one evening, think about frustration and gratitude and be free of all negativity for the rest of their life, but like an athlete training a muscle, so we can train our minds to be free, to be grateful, and to be active in creating more reasons for gratitude, and fewer reasons for frustration, in others.

I wrote the following advice to a friend after she was told (for the hundredth time that week) to “eat shit and die”.

“…Imagine the emotions you’d have to be feeling before you’d be able to express such ill-will towards someone? Imagine the intense frustration required to drive you to say such hurtful things like that?

What a shame it would be to have so much internal animosity that it overflows into the people around you. To say those things shows so much frustration and pain is present. Whoever said that also deserves the knowledge of how to live happily. They deserve the wisdom to face adversity with patience, peace and understanding.
Thankfully, you don’t have to continue the chain reaction of negativity into your network. You have been blessed with education, good physical and mental health, a very fortunate heart, and the capacity to continue this grateful list on your own!

I hope you come to understand that all suffering, (frustration, sadness, anger…) comes from us wanting the reality of a situation to be an imagined alternative. (“…I wish they didn’t say that…”). This person is creating so much suffering for themselves in this way. All suffering has that same cause, so with practice, you can fully understand that your own hurt feelings from reading those inanimate words, is caused by the exact same mechanism.

So by acknowledging their suffering, try not to create any more for yourself, instead feel empathy for the other person’s self-created misery and share only goodwill into your network. No ill-will.

It takes hard work to be OK with people telling you to “fuck off and die“,  but you are capable of it.

The world needs you to.”

 


A Good Way To Think is a happier mindset training community using practical exercises and proven methods like this Happy Idea to empower you and your world live even happier.  Passing on this little “Hi” is a great way to share our mission of making the world an even happier place, one thought at a time thanks for being a part of the community!

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